Covid-19 Jokes : Booooo trump

XOXO Lots of loves -H3H-

Malaysia Politician - Jokes

Bila orang Malaysia menghabiskan masa lapang dengan kreatifnya...hahahah

Original post is here ya

Tun M is like your old grumpy grandfather. He is powerful and always be critical to you.

Tan Sri Muhyidin is like typical Malay father. Quiet, less talk, only do what is necessary.

DS Najib is like your happy go lucky rich uncle, who is the most successful uncle, and always give you high amount duit raya. Sometimes you always wonder how he get rich, you acknowledge that he is smart, but you dont mind as long as he give good duit raya.

Meanwhile, DS Anwar is the uncle who always talk a lot, seems like to have many friends. During kenduri, he is the one who always conquer the event, while the other uncles busy with all the chores. Yeah you know, the sweet talker uncle at kenduri.

TG Haji Hadi? Your uncle who leads the prayer and doa selamat. The one with wife dengan tudung labuh tu. Yang anak anak dia ramai, semua jadi belajar tinggi tinggi dan jadi orang tu. You are not very close with him but you know he is a good man with principle.

This one newly added, but my imagination of Mat Sabu is your unemployed uncle, could be the youngest one, kerja kampung, doing odd jobs. He is a very funny uncle, selalu buat lawak dan sakat budak budak. But yes, dont rely anything to him, he is not a serious man, but he is kind and trustworthy, looking after the grandmother at home.

Azmin Ali? Cukuplah macam sorang uncle yang baru balik dari belajar oversea. Pakcik kesayangan atuk dan nenek. Nenek sayang dia ni, tak bagi kerja berat berat. Bini pun lawa, stock2 oversea. Kalau balik rumah kampung, confirm dapat bilik special untuk dia dgn bini dia jer. Orang lain tidur ruang tamu.

Rafizi Ramli ni anak pada uncle yang sweet talker tu. Pandai juga orangnya, jadi modal uncle sweet talker tu sembang la dekat kedai kopi. Cuma dia ni menurun sikit la perangai bapak dia, sembang kuat. So try hard sangat nak nampak relevan bila kenduri dengan sedara mara. Dia tak berapa suka dengan uncle dia yang balik oversea tu.

KJ? KJ ni pangkat sepupu la, anak kepada uncle kaya DS Najib. Anak orang kaya, macho. Masa zaman kecik kecik dia la yang pangkah gasing orang terbelah dua. Ketua budak budak kampung main lastik, mandi sungai. Dah besar dia follow macam bapak dia, ada karisma. Tapi dia tak suka bapak dia, hubungan derang tak ngam.

Sayed Saddiq ni adik bongsu korang, sesuai jadi anak DS Muhyiddin. Sindrom ayah dah tua tak marah anak bongsu. Dia ni takde geng sebab semua adik beradik dah besar besar. Tapi dia ada bijak sikit, dapat masuk MRSM. Nerd sikit, tak lasak macam budak kampung lain. Kalau cuti dari MRSM dia duduk rumah jer main game.

XOXO Lots of loves -H3H-

Damn

XOXO Lots of loves -H3H-

Think about it???

Setakat mana kebenaranya? Hahahaha

XOXO

Just to share a laugh

Just to say 1 jokes, shared by my colleague.

girl : If i feel bored, wat should i do honey??
boy : call me!
girl : If i feel sad?
boy : think of me!
girl : if i feel lonely?
boy : meet me!
girl : if i feel sleepy?
boy : dream of me!
girl : if i feel hurted?
boy : remember me!
girl : wat if i feel hungry??????
boy : REBUS MEEE !!!!!





XOXO

Lawak FB

 

byk gila lawak fb ni...kalo nk lagi...singgah la sini no...

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Installing a husband

Jom layan....

Dear Tech Support,


Last  year, I upgraded from  Boyfriend  5.0  to  Husband  1.0  and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated  flawlessly under  Boyfriend  5.0.


In  addition,  Husband  1.0  uninstalled many other valuable programs, such  as Romance  9.5  and   Personal  Attention 6.5,  and then installed undesirable programs such  as NBA  5.0,NFL  3.0  andGolf Clubs  4.1.


Conversation  8.0  no longer runs, and  HouseCleaning  2.6  simply  crashes the system.


Please note  that I have tried running  Nagging  5.3 to fix these  problems, but to no avail.


What can I  do?


Signed,
Desperate.

Jawapannya :



DEAR  DESPERATE,


First, keep in mind,

Boyfriend  5.0 is an  Entertainment Package, while Husband  1.0 is an  operating system.

Please enter  command:  ithoughtyoulovedme.HTML,  try to download  Tears  6.2,  and do not forget to install the  Guilt  3.0 update.

If those  applications work as designed,  Husband  1.0 should then  automatically run the applications  Jewelry  2.0  and  Flowers  3.5.


However,  remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband  1.0  to default to Grumpy  Silence 2.5,  Happy  Hour 7.0, or  Beer  6.1.

Please note  that  Beer  6.1 is a very bad  program that will download the  Snoring Loudly Beta.


Whatever  you do,  DO NOT under any  circumstances install  Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a  virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your  system resources.)


In  addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend  5.0 program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.


In  summary,  Husband  1.0  is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new  applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to  improve memory and performance. We  recommend Cooking  3.0  and  Hot Lingerie  7.7.


Good  Luck!
Tech Support

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Debat Tambah Bini

Anda teringin sangat nak berpoligami? Tetapi sanggup ke isteri anda bermadu tiga? Berdebatlah dulu untuk mendapat jawapan yang menyakinkan. Jika tidak, silap haribulan anda bakal menjadi mencetus perang besar yang mana diakhirnya kekalahan pasti jatuh ke tangan anda. Ada berani?

Al-kisah seorang suami sedang mencari-cari helah untuk membolehkan dia berkahwin lagi..

Suami : Lelaki kawin 3 baru lah sah

Isteri : Kenapa pula?

Suami : Cuba terjemahkan ke dalam Bahasa Inggeris, “satu” is one, “dua” is two, “tiga”. Isteri (is three). Baru betul dan sah!.

Isteri : Tapi abang kena faham Bahasa Inggeris, terutama tentang “singular” dan “plural”

Suami : Berkenaan apa tu?

Isteri : Satu tu “Singular“; dua atau lebih “Plural”

Suami : Contohnya?

Isteri : One car sebagai singular, two cars sebagai plural. Apa bezanya?

Suami : Ohhh… tambah huruf “s” untuk yang plural

Isteri : Betul tu. Sama juga la untuk abang

Suami : Macam mana pula boleh sama?

Isteri : Satu isteri abang MAMPU, jika dua isteri dah jadi plural, maka abang MAMPUS, tambah “s” je, kan ?

Lepas daripada tu, si suami tidak pernah lagi berceritakan hasratnya untuk berkahwin lagi

PERKARA-PERKARA PELIK DIMALAYSIA..

Di bawah ini disenaraikan perkara-perkara pelik yang sedang berlaku di Malaysia:

1. Pemain bola sepak liga kebangsaan boleh mendapat hingga RM 7,000 ke RM 8,000 sebulan tapi main macam budak sekolah sedangkan graduan universiti yang bertungkus lumus selama 18 tahun kat sekolah hingga pusat pengajian tinggi hanya menerima gaji permulaan RM1,250 sebulan.

2. Pemandu tidak sanggup memberi peluang pemandu lain memotong tetapi sanggup pula bertekak sampai berjam-jam dan mengajak pemandu lain bergaduh di tepi jalan.

3. Pelanggan di tengking semasa berurusan dengan jabatan kerajaan kerana tidak tahu mengisi borang sedangkan Piagam Pelanggan mereka begitu puitis dan mendayu-dayu sekali.

4. Banyak kejadian rogol atau mencabul kehormatan berlaku, tapi masih ramai anak gadis dan remaja ke tempat kerja dan tempat awam dengan pakaian yang xcukup kain.

5. FAM sibuk mencari punca terjadinya pergaduhan dalam sesuatu perlawanan bola sepak negara sedangkan setiap pasukan diberi gelaran nama 'binatang'.

sumber : http://idhamlim.blogspot.com/2009/08/perkara-perkara-pelik-dimalaysia.html

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On August 7 , 2009

At 12hr 34 minutes and 56 seconds on the 7th of August this year, the time and date will be

12:34:56 07/08/09


1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

This will never happen in your life again!!!!

KidsAreQuick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(I Love this kid)
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH!
LAUGHTER IS THE SOUL'S MEDICINE!!

1 joke for mother's day

This joke sent thru sms by my friend who also a mother...beside jokes, may be we can take it as reminder huh???

To all mothers :

It's normal when you're in year 20s, u lokk very 'MENGANCAM'...
When you're in year 30s, you begin to behave 'BERMACAM-MACAM'...
When you turn 40s-50s, you feel 'TERANCAM'
and sadly when you reach 60s, orang langsung tak boleh 'CAM'!!

Happy Mother's Day!! Hope we all maintain MENGANCAM...

hahahaha

Six Truths of Life

1. You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.


2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.


3. And discover that the first truth is a lie.


4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.


5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.


6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.


I apologise about this. I'm an idiot too and I needed company.

Smoking Ladies

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mabel! : You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.